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This post is Part 3 of a series. Go over here for Part 1 and here for Part 2. Enjoy!
21. The Sweater
No, not THAT type of sweater! I mean someone who sweats a lot!
This player will sweat no matter what when they’re on the court. It doesn’t matter if they’re moving just a bit or not, they’ll be sweating buckets. After every point, they’ll be flicking sweat off themselves with their hands like they see the pros do… except they’re putting in way less effort than the pros and are STILL sweating just as much or even more. Let’s just hope they don’t flick their sweat onto your face while they do it.
The worst part about playing The Sweater is when you change courts with them. The court at that point is filled with little sweat mines just waiting for you to slip on! I bet it’s something they do on purpose as a tactic to win in the next game!! So be prepared with a mop or towel to wipe down the court when you play against The Sweater.
But wait, it could get worse! Have you ever seen this player dive during a rally? It’s like a whole skid mark going across the court. Maybe this player actually uses their sweat as an advantage at this point – you know, to slide faster towards the shuttle? Or maybe as an excuse to take a break after the point – since, well, you gotta take some time to clean up that skid mark on the court!
Further, this player also changes shirts after seemingly every game because of all the sweat that their shirts soak up. It’s like a new shirt every 15 minutes! Their laundry machines must be putting in overtime to wash their clothes all the time. And if that’s how much they sweat after 15 minutes, imagine how they’ll be in 2 to 3 hours!! It’s like they went for a swim or took a shower – except they reek of body odor instead.
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22. The Fast Server
This player is an eager beaver when it comes to serving. They want to start the rally, and they want to start it NOW. They don’t really care if anyone else is ready – they’ll just serve. In fact, it’s even advantageous for them to serve when the receiver isn’t ready. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen? If they don’t react then the point is just a redo. On the flip side, if they do react instinctively and mess up the return, they just win the point!
So, pretty sweet deal being the fast server though then right? Well… kinda. Being the partner of The Fast Server kinda sucks if you’re not used to it, since half the time you won’t actually be ready for the start of the rally when they serve because they don’t even check to see if their partners are ready!
If you start getting ready for the serve faster since you’re getting used to their style, then they’ll start throwing in some tricks as well. The classic one is to pretend to be smoothing out the feathers on the shuttle and then suddenly serve. In their eyes, they “outsmarted” and “outplayed” you to get a service ace.
And you know how you can put your arm up to indicate to the player to wait until you’re ready? They’ll push the boundaries on that too. If they don’t serve while your arm is up, they’ll try to serve exactly when your arm starts to move downwards and your head is moving upwards to catch you in that “transition phase” where you’re just about ready but not really exactly fully ready. They especially like to flick in these situations to show how good their “deception” and “technique” is as they caught you completely off guard. I do wonder if they ever feel bad that they’re borderline cheating.
Luckily for you though is that The Fast Server is not very consistent with their serves, considering that they’re always trying to serve as fast as possible. Some will be good, some will be into the net, and some will be short. It’s really anyone’s guess. Even The Fast Server sometimes doesn’t know what they’re doing. So in the end, maybe the number of points you win and lose from this practice balances out?
23. The Slow Server
This player is the exact opposite of The Fast Server. They love to take their sweet sweet time serving.
One thousand 1, one thousand 2, one thousand 3, one thousand 4… zzzzZZZzzzzzZZZzzz. They’re pretty much trying to get you to fall asleep before they serve. Or at least make you strain your eyes since you’re trying not to blink while waiting for them to actually serve.
They’re over there happily blinking as they please while just holding the shuttle in the service position while you’re standing there fidgeting in your stance. It’s like they’re playing a staring contest with the shuttle when they serve. Some of them even have a staring contest with you, the receiver.
Most badminton rallies end within 10 seconds, but with The Slow Server, that number probably skyrockets up to 20 seconds. The pace of the game slows down dramatically and each point ends up taking twice as long as it should.
And guess what? If The Slow Server ends up serving into the net, it was pretty much a waste of time! That’s 10 seconds of your life that you’ll never get back and you didn’t even get to play a rally.
24. The Camper
This player tries to guess exactly where you’re going to hit before you even hit your shot. This is often near the net so that they can punish your drop shots or weak drives. This player will make hard reads and is annoying as hell when they’re right.
This player doesn’t play the “standard” left and right defense all the time and will try to be tricky and read your habits. The moment you start looking up or away from this player is when The Camper starts moving. Like when you look up to look at the shuttle or when you turn your back to hit a backhand. The Camper then sneakily walks up to the spot where you actually want to hit to – you know, your favorite go-to shot. And… KABAM, they kill it before you can even react and you can only ask them “Why are you there?? What if I smashed?!” And all they ever do is smirk and reply with “Well, you didn’t, did you?” And all you can do is hang your head in shame because The Camper was right. You did, in fact, hit that shot and got read like a book.
The Camper can get a little too greedy sometimes though and try to camp all the time. In that case, it becomes quite easy to play around after a few points. Some solid variation between clears, smashes, and different angled drives should be enough to keep The Camper at bay. In fact, once you start taking note of The Camper’s camping habits, then you should have the advantage to punish their non-standard play!
25. The Smasher
This player loves smashing. It’s pretty much the only shot that this player trains for. They’re usually gym rats who optimize all of their exercises so that they can smash HARD. Their life goal is to become 1-smash (wo)man so their workout consists of 100 sit-ups, 100 push-ups, 100 squats, and a 10 kilometer run every single day. They might achieve their goal with enough persistence but they’ll probably become bald in the process.
But what about the other shots in badminton? Doesn’t this player care about the other shots? Well… they know of the shots, but they really just don’t care! Their motto is – you don’t smash me, I smash you! If you somehow find your way into executing a smash at The Smasher, they’ll be trying to smash it right back at you. That’s right, they’ll try to smash your smash or lose the point trying.
This player’s entire doubles strategy is for you, their partner, to set them up to smash it down. However, they won’t do the same for you because, well, they simply don’t know how to. Their net game is awkward and their defense is stiff, you know, since they have all that muscle in the way. And when they try to kill at the front of the court, they use their backcourt smashing form but then end up hitting into the net half the time.
26. The Apologizer
This player says “sorry” or “my bad” to their partner all the time.
You know how it’s fairly common for players to apologize when they hit a bad shot, or apologize to their opponents when they hit a net tumble or actually hit their opponents? Well, this player does apologize during these situations too, but in addition, apologizes in pretty much every rally.
There are several versions of this type of player.
- The one that feels inadequate or not to the skill level of their doubles partner
- The one that apologizes instead of trying to get better at the game
- The one that doesn’t want you to feel bad but makes you feel worse by apologizing
- The one that apologizes to the opponent for winning a point
The apologizer that feels inadequate always feels like they’re letting their partner down and therefore apologizes every time they make a mistake – whether it’s a forced or unforced mistake. You can’t help but think that it’s actually making them play worse each time they apologize because they seem to get more and more anxious as the game progresses even when you’re not blaming them – they’re just being hard on themself.
The second type of apologizer is the partner that plays badminton in a carefree manner and is happy-go-lucky. What this means is that this player will try all sorts of terrible shots which will lose the point and just apologize afterwards. And it’ll happen over and over again. This player isn’t trying to get better or actually trying to hit better shots – they just think that apologizing afterwards absolves them of all responsibility for playing badly! Really, as their partner, you kinda want them to at least try.
The third type of apologizer actually apologizes when YOU make a mistake! This player will try to console you when you make a mistake by pretending that it was their fault. But in the end, you know that it was actually your fault and not theirs. By apologizing, they’re making you even more self aware of your own mistake by apologizing out loud for everyone to hear. You end up feeling even worse than if they would’ve said nothing at all…
The last type of apologizer is actually your opponent. This player will apologize for winning a standard point, as if they didn’t deserve it. This player is the opposite of the player that thanks their opponents for hitting into the net, but at the same time doesn’t make their opponents feel any better. Maybe this player has good intentions but it kinda comes off as mocking. We’re big boys and girls, we don’t need to be consoled every time we lose a point.
27. The One That Gets In The Way
This player isn’t your opponent but rather your doubles partner. This player is more of a liability than they are an asset because they’re constantly blocking you by moving to where you want to be. They’re essentially a moving roadblock.
This player will try to get every shot that you have a clear path to but half the time their shot is low quality (perhaps because they didn’t have a good path to the shot like you did…) and the other half of the time they’ll just stop and not actually hit the shuttle then look at you when you didn’t cover for them. It’s like they actually want to deceive you, their doubles partner! When you partner up with this player, you suddenly start feeling like the game has turned into 3 vs 1 instead of 2 vs 2.
The problem with this player, oddly enough, is that they’re actually quite fast. They get to the shuttle very quickly (and hence is able to block your way) to hit the shuttle. If you actually want to feel like you’re part of the game, it’s like you have to race against your partner!
Furthermore, this player also tries to cut off every single shot when they’re in the front court – even when it’s considerably out of reach or way too fast! Most of the time, they just end up losing the point on the spot – probably by framing the shuttle or just hitting into the net.
Their mantra is “Player see birdie, player (tries to) hit birdie.”
28. The Taunter
This player does everything they can to get under their opponent’s skin, usually by making big, exaggerated movements or mocking gestures and noises with a smirk on their face when they’ve already won a rally.
For example, this player will swipe at the shuttle, pretending to hit it but purposefully miss it when they know it’s going out. You know, something like this:
But uhhhh, in this case it backfired since the umpire called a fault, saying Kevin touched the shuttle. He didn’t really as you can see in the replay, but some would say that this is karma. It’s not actually illegal but it can certainly be perceived as disrespectful or at the very least, cheeky.
Some other favorites of the taunter include making unnecessarily large arm movements with both arms to indicate a shuttle landed out while making direct eye contact at you while smirking, saying “Thank you!” loudly and gleefully when you serve into the net, and wagging their finger at you after you lose a hard-fought rally.
The most annoying part about this player is that they’re quite good, or at least they mainly taunt players they know are significantly weaker than them. Which means that they’ll win the vast majority of the time when they do taunt their opponents. This is when being friends with some top players comes in handy to get revenge and you can taunt them on the sidelines.
29. The One That Doesn’t Pick Up Birdies
- Hits into the net and just stares at it
- You can have a staring contest with them if you want or walk around like you didn’t see anything but the shuttle will still be at the net
You know the 7 Unspoken Practices of Badminton Etiquette right? Of course you do! You’re a BadmintonBites fan at this point right? Well, the 4th rule is “Pass the shuttlecock to your opponent” when you hit into the net. You’ve certainly been doing it but there are players who simply don’t, making it so you have to go and pick it up every single time.
Sometimes you want to test the player though, maybe wait a few extra seconds to see if the player will actually attempt to pick up and pass the shuttle or not. But no, this player would rather awkwardly stand and have a staring contest with you instead of fetching the birdie. This player doesn’t pick up birdies because they’re far too good for it. That’s a job for peasants (i.e. you) and not for royalty like them.
30. The One That Grabs the Birdie Before It Hits the Ground
Unlike The One That Doesn’t Pick Up Birdies, this player grabs the birdie way too soon. Instead of waiting for the birdie to hit the ground, this player just grabs it with their hands or scoops it with their racket and then tells you that it was going to land out. And you know, something about that just doesn’t feel right unless the birdie was going to land in another court that others are playing on.
Sure, most of the time it’s fairly certain that the birdie will land out of bounds, but technically…they would actually lose the point. So… if someone tries this to you in a tournament, you can definitely get the point from them.
But what about if it’s actually close to the line and you think it might actually land in? They’ll be like “Trust me bro, it was going to land out, I know these things.” Right…it’s like there isn’t any sort of conflict of interest here at all. None whatsoever.
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